Songs of the Brothers
by DarkSideCaptive
Summary: Songs focused on Edmund and Peter, and the trials they face. Mainly Edmund. Each Chapter is a new song. May contain incest and slash. You have been warned. R
1. Start Again

**A/N: Hey, I'm alive! I hope you guys like this, I did it during computer class. Make sure to review.**

**Song: Start Again by Red**

**Pairing: None**

**Characters: Edmund, Peter, Susan. Mentions of Lucy. **

_And I remember everything,  
Everything I loved, I gave it away like it wasn't enough_

Peter. Susan. Lucy. Comfort. Family. Love. Three faces etched behind his eyelids, but they weren't his siblings. They couldn't be. The face that resembled Peter wasn't brave looking anymore; he looked scared, almost guilty. That wasn't Peter.

The raven-haired beauty, the one he assumed was Susan, wasn't strict looking, and didn't carry that shadow of disappointment around her; she was worried, fear etched in her features. That wasn't Susan.

The last face, Lucy, wasn't carefree or spirited looking anymore. She looked confused, so confused, and hurt. That wasn't Lucy.

They weren't his siblings, but they were the faces of them, and he had given them all away. Like_ they_ weren't good enough for _him_.

_All the words I said and all you forgive  
How could I hurt you again?_

He remembers everything he said to them. How can he forget? How can he erase the image of their hurt eyes from his mind?

"You know what little children are like these days, they just don't when to stop pretending." Lucy…

"Whatever, Susan. You think you're mother's favorite, don't you? Think you're so perfect, don't ya!? You're not! You're just as rotten as the rest of them!" Susan…

"You think you're Dad, but you're not!" Peter…

They forgave them all those times, and what had he done to repay them, to thank them?

Betrayed them.

_What if I let you in?  
What if I make it right?_

He shivered in the cold, fanning his fingers over his arm and rubbing gently. It did nothing to warm him, and he shivered in the ice cell. He wished Peter was here.

No, he didn't. He would never want this happen to Peter. Peter was too good for this. He promised himself at that moment that he would never let harm come to Peter, and Susan, he would always listen to her. He would let Lucy hug him, would hold her small hand in his larger one.

He would let down the barrier he had made for himself; he would trust again, he would make this right.

_What if I give it up?  
What if I want to try?_

He had wanted to be king. He had wanted to be the Winter Prince of Narnia, heir to the Ice Throne. He _had._He no longer dreamed of crowns made of ice, or magical wands in his right hand. He dreamed of suffering, of pain. He didn't want that dream anymore. He gave up all his old wishes. He was going to fix all the damage.

_What if you take a chance?  
What if I learn to love?_

Of all of his siblings, he was the most shut out, the one that struggled with loving the most. It wasn't easy for him to let someone in so quickly. He pushed people away until they no longer desired his company. It was easier that way. No love no hurt. It wasn't right. Love wasn't pain, loneliness was.

He knew he was asking a lot out of them by asking for a second chance. He didn't deserve a second chance, but he needed it.

_What if, what if we start again?_

He was forced to his feet, chains clinking as he moved forward. He didn't fight them, what was the point? He stumbled forward, falling to his knees just to be forced to his feet again. He knew horror, he had seen plenty of horror films at the cinema back home, but nothing could prepare him for this.

The stone face of Mr. Tumnus stared blankly at him, emotionless…and it was his fault. That alone made his blood run cold and his hair stand on end. His fault.

_All this time  
I can make it right  
With one more try_

They forced him to sit down and he said nothing, just glared at the witch. He didn't understand what he had seen now. She wasn't beautiful, not like he had thought she was. She glared back at him and he trembled, looking away. The dwarf reached forward and smacked him across the cheek.

"Your brother's as good as dead, 'prince'." The shorter man whispered harshly.

He bit back his tears and trembled. The Witch just laughed, facing forward and ignoring him.

_Can we start again?_

He saw only one face now. The face was cold, impassive, unforgiving, and bitter. It was him, the Edmund that had betrayed his own family. He cried out, earning a bruise on his temple from the Witch's hand. He didn't cry anymore, he couldn't. He stared forward, feeling the image change in his mind.

_In my eyes,  
You can see it now,  
Can we start again, can we start again?!?_

It was of a Lion. A lion so great, that his mane alone seemed to shine brighter than the sun. The love in his eyes was incomprehensible. He longed to touch the lion, the lion named Aslan. The lion called to him, gave him hope.

He bowed his head and prayed. Prayed that he would have another chance to see his siblings, even if it was only for a second. He just needed a minute. A minute to show them he was different, so that he wouldn't die the same Edmund he had been.

_Emptiness inside me, wonder if you see  
It's my mistake and it's hurting me_

When he saw the fox that had helped his family, he had to fight back the feeling of rushing forward and kissing the fox's face and thanking him. When the Witch threatened to kill him, he ran forward. He tried to save the dear fox, but his attempt was a waste. The last look the fox gave him was disappointment.

He was getting use to that look. He bowed his head. Every beat of his heart started to hurt, every pulse felt like fire.

It was just another second living as a traitor, as a _failure._

_I know where we've been  
How did we get so far?  
What if, what if we start again?_

He never thought that his betrayal would take him so far, that the current would drag him under so much. The ice that had long frozen over his heart had melted, but his eyes still saw stone. He pulled away from the dwarf, crying out his brother's name.

Then he heard the Narnians approach.

_I'm lost inside the pain I feel without you,_

They were going to take him to Peter. He was going to see his brother again. He was sobbing when they arrived at the camp, crying the tears of a traitor. A sorrow, regretful traitor.

The Lion was there. He kissed his tears and nuzzled his face. "I love you, Edmund. You have been forgiven."

Edmund broke down, falling to his knees in front of the Lion. "Oh Aslan, I'm a traitor."

"I know, Son." A giant paw was placed on Edmund's shoulder. "You're sins have been forgiven."

"Peter." He whispered brokenly.

"Your brother will forgive you, they all will. They love you."

He heard his sister's voice and turned to look at her. He cried when he saw three faces staring up at him from below.

"Go to them."

Lucy and Susan hugged him, Peter did not.

_I can't stop holding on, I need you with me!!!  
I'm trapped inside the pain_

He went to battle with Peter after Aslan's death. He listened and obey, fought and saved.

"Edmund! There's too many of them! Get the girls and get them home!" Peter's last command.

Edmund, with the promise he had made so long ago, drew his sword and turned to the Witch. His sword pierced her wand and in return, her wand pierced his heart. He crumpled to the ground. Yet somehow, he did not die. He held on.

The last word he ever spoke was, "Peter".

_Can we never love again?  
I'm lost without you!!!_

Would he ever get to hug his sisters again? Would he ever get to say 'I'm sorry' to Peter?

The blanket of darkness covered him, and with a shaky breath, and sweet liquid of red juice down his throat, he breathed his last breath.

_One more try,  
Can we start again?_

The next thing he felt was Peter's arms around him and his breath on his neck. He thanked Aslan, thanked him for giving him the second chance. He could prove himself now.

_In my eyes, can you forgive me now?  
(Can we start again?)  
Can we start again (one more try?)_

"There you are."

Edmund turned to look at his brother through the curl of his bangs. He gave a half smirk, raising his glass towards his brother and bowing his head. "Here I am, my King."

"Do not bow to me, Ed. I am your brother."

"And a king. A worthy one." He smirked.

Peter frowned, reaching forward and twisting his finger in Edmund's hair. "What's wrong?"

Edmund stopped for a minute, biting his lip. "Do you forgive me?"

Peter stopped, frowning. "Edmund…"

_Can we start again?_

Peter never truly said it that night and Edmund never asked again. He understood that Peter could not let go, and he no longer fought it. It wasn't until one night, when he awoke with Peter by his bed side, that he realized Peter had been suffering all along.

"I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you." Peter cried into his ear over and over again. A broken record of forgiveness.

In Peter's dreams, Edmund died again and again in an attempt to redeem himself. Peter wouldn't have that.

"For as long as you live, I will always forgive you." Edmund fell asleep to those words being whispered to him.

_Can we start again (can you forgive me?)_

"Edmund…can you forgive me? I've been a git. I'm so sorry. I've done harm to you."

Edmund turned away from the window of their house, taking in the sight of his brother standing by the doorway. His blonde hair swept in front of his regretful eyes. So much like himself, he thought.

"For as long as you live, I will always forgive you." He whispered, "And you were a git, not a traitor. I deserved every word you spoke." He watched his brother crumble in front of him, crying his name in thankful sobs.

_Can we start again?_

"Oh sod it, Edmund! It was a game!" Susan cried.

Edmund took a final breath before twisting the doorknob. "I forgive you, Susan. I'll always forgive you. Remember that."

"Whatever are you talking about, Edmund?" She twisted in her seat to look at her younger brother, but he was already gone.

Two days later, Susan curled into herself, sobbing against the back of her hand. Her family was dead. Never again would she wake to Lucy's laughter, or laugh at Edmund's quick wit, or feel Peter's arms around her.

"Oh Edmund, I'm sorry. Could you ever forgive me?" She cried to the space beside her, a phantom image of her handsome dark haired brother resting near.

_"I'll always forgive you"_

Susan let a single tear fall onto her lap. "Thank you, Edmund."

**REVIEW!!!**


	2. Everybody's Fool

**ENJOY!**

**Song: Everybody's fool**

**Artist: Evanescence**

**Pairing: none**

**Characters: Edmund, Susan. Brief candid by Peter and Lucy. **

**Summery: Susan knew. She had always known. She had never told anyone, though. No, she wasn't like that. She wasn't a traitor, not like her brother. Or was she?**

* * *

_Perfect by nature  
Icons of self indulgence _

She knew. She had always known. She never told anyone, though. No, she wasn't like that. She wasn't a traitor, not like her brother. No, she wouldn't do that to him…to them. She frowned when she saw one bow before him, extending their hand towards their king. He smiled at them and she looked away, a frown etched onto her pale skin.

If only they knew.

_Just what we all need  
More lies about a world that _

_Never was and never will be_

"Thank you, King Edmund, for your kind mannerisms and courteous behavior towards our situation."

He smiled, glancing towards his brother and her. "You're welcome, my dear friend, I will take your issue into mind and ensure that it is dealt with immediately. My guard will lead you to your room so that you may find rest before you depart."

"Aslan bless you, King Edmund." The creature bowed his head.

"I believe he already has." The smile spread on his face and he gestured towards his guard.

Lies. All lies. Dumb, stupid, idiotic lies. She glanced at him and he glanced back.

Lies.

_Have you no shame? Don't you see me? _

When he stood to leave, she grabbed his bicep. He turned to look at her, swallowing thickly.

"Yes?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but no words emerged. He sighed, yanking his arm away and jogging up the steps.

Only when he was gone did she mumble, 'fool'.

_You know you've got everybody fooled_

He was a master at deception and he knew it. He knew how to deceive each of them. A smile for Lucy, a laugh for Peter, but nothing for her. He couldn't deceive her. She saw the hidden scars from unknown battles, eyes that wandered towards the guard, hand motions that were excused as stretching, and heard the hoof beats cantering up the moonlit path towards an unknown destination.

All secret, all concealed.

_Look here she comes now  
Bow down and stare in wonder _

She supposed she first stumbled upon the truth about five years ago. She remembered the fright that day. Remembered Peter's breath catching in his throat as she claimed that his brother belong to her and was to die on the Stone Table that night. She remembered thinking he must be terrified, but when she glanced over to his face, she saw no fear. He stared wide-eyed at her, a perfect facade.

Then his lip curved upwards ever so slightly and she knew.

_Oh how we love you  
No flaws when you're pretending _

Peter clung to him like his life depended on it. He would sit with her for hours and mumble about how proud he was of him. She only frowned, and glanced towards the topic of their discussion.

He sat, beautiful and dignified, upon the throne of gold. Perfect and untainted by appearance.

A façade. A mask. A disguise.

_But now I know she  
Never was and never will be _

She remembered finding him mourning for her, remembered sneaking away before he saw her. She never told him she saw him. She only remembered falling asleep that night and hearing her brother's broken voice in the back of her head.

'Jadis, my Queen. Jadis, my Queen.' A mantra inside of her head.

_You don't know how you've betrayed me  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled _

Redeemed traitor. That's what they called him. He smiled when they said it, but only she caught the flash of guilt that jumped into his eyes.

She approached him, pulling his chin to look at her. "Brother, you are a fool."

He glanced at her, confused.

"You have hurt me already, must you betray me again?"

His eyes widened, slightly shocked. He yanked away from her grip, stumbling out the door and away from the truth.

_Without the mask, where will you hide?  
Can't find yourself lost in your lie _

He ran away. She had ripped the mask off of his face, and they knew. They saw the guilt, the betrayal in his eyes. Peter didn't speak to him, Lucy cried brokenly at the table, and she stayed silent. She could only watch as the people rebelled, knowing now that their king was a liar, fool, and deceiver.

_I know the truth now  
I know who you are _

Edmund the Winter Prince of Narnia, traitor of Aslan. He fell to his knees, eyes locking with the judge in front of him. Peter looked away in shame, clutching Lucy to his side. They removed his throne, his power, and his title from him.

She had never seen him look smaller, chained to the back of the stone dungeon. He glared at her, thrashing against his binds. She only watched him, only watched as he gave up.

_And I don't love you anymore_

"Susan, I am sorry! Save me!" He whispered brokenly, black hair falling in front of his eyes.

She frowned, turning to walk away. "You are a traitor, Edmund."

"Susan, don't you love me?" It was a mere whisper.

She turned to look at him, her resistance crumbling away. She closed her eyes, breathing in gently. The screams of the lives that were taken by the sword of the Winter Prince clogged her mind.

"The consequence of taking a life is death, and you have taken millions." She whispered.

_It Never was and never will be  
You don't know how you've betrayed me _

She learned of his sins, learned of the lives he had taken, the wars he had started. She showed them to Peter and could only watch as he wasted away in front of her.

"I thought he had changed."

"We all did, Peter. We all did." A moment of silence passed, until Susan spoke again. "They have sentenced him to death."

_And somehow you've got everybody fooled _

Despite the children lost to him, mourners still gathered around as he was led to the stocks.

"Whereas in certain cases of high treason, as the law now stands, the sentence or judgment required by law to be pronounced or awarded against persons convicted or adjudged guilty of the said crime in such cases is that they should be drawn on a hurdle to the place of execution and there be hanged by the neck, but not until they are dead, but that they should be taken down again, and that when they are yet alive their bowels should be taken out and burnt before their faces, and that afterwards their heads should be severed from their bodies, and their bodies be divided into four quarters, and their heads and quarters to be at the King's disposal as is stated in the Treason Act."

Lucy wound her arms around her older brother. "Oh Peter, stop them!"

Susan glanced at her younger sibling, biting her lip and turning away.

_It never was and never will be  
You're not real and you can't save me _

She couldn't watch, turning away from him and biting her lip. When she opened her eyes again, she didn't see him. She saw people gazing her, some crying, some cheering. She couldn't move her head, panic setting into her.

"Susan, traitor of Narnia! Traitor of Aslan!" She froze as the cries echoed in her head. "Be gone!"

_Somehow now you're everybody's fool_

Her eyes flew open, and she sat up quickly.

"Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare." She mumbled, again and again.

She stood to the mirror, glancing at her reflection. Tears streaked her face and she wiped them away, scowling. "Stop crying, Susan. It was a dream, you are not a traitor. Narnia isn't even real."

From her doorway, stood Edmund. He frowned. He knew. He had always known. He just never told them. She lied, claiming not to believe in Narnia. He knew, just never told.

"Fool." He mumbled.

* * *

**A/N: Very confusing, I know. I wrote it in a matter of like fifteen minutes. If you still don't understand it, here is the breakdown of it:**

**Susan dreams that Edmund never turned away from the Witch, that he still served her secretly. It mentions that he was full of lies. He was serving the Witch, but acting as a King of Narnia by day. She eventually confronted him about it, and his secret was let out. The people were angry about having a traitor as a king, and so rebelled. He was placed on trial for high treason, and was stripped of his kingship and made a peasant. The act of treason clearly stated that all traitors must die. Susan watches as her brother is being prepared to die and finds him worthy of such punishment. But her dream changes and she is the traitor (because she does not believe in Narnia anymore and has therefore betrayed Aslan). She convinces herself it's a dream, and Edmund knows that she is lying. He knows she still believes. She is a fool for not admitting to it, hence 'somehow now you're everybody's fool'. **

**Connections:**

**She knew. She had always known. She never told anyone, though. No, she wasn't like that. She wasn't a traitor, not like her brother. No, she wouldn't do that to him…to them. (Shows that she has convinced herself that she has done nothing wrong, though she has)**

**Lies. All lies. Dumb, stupid, idiotic lies (Susan constantly claiming that she does not believe in Narnia. Dumb lies) **

**He was a master at deception and he knew it. He knew how to deceive each of them. A smile for Lucy, a laugh for Peter, but nothing for her. He couldn't deceive her. She saw the hidden scars from unknown battles, eyes that wandered towards the guard, hand motions that were excused as stretching, and heard the hoof beats cantering up the moonlit path towards an unknown destination. (She was a master of deception, making Peter and Lucy believe that she didn't remember, but she could not deceive Edmund. He saw the hints that she still remembered)**

**…..a perfect facade. (self-explanatory)**

**Perfect and untainted by appearance. A façade. A mask. A disguise. (Perfect on the outside, all beauty. Tainted on the inside by her own lies)**

**"I love my brother, I do not love you."**

**"I am your brother. How can you not love me?"**

**"I don't know you." She turned away from him. "I don't love you anymore." (Reverse it around so it's Susan asking how Edmund can not love her. And he says he does not know her anymore she has changed)**

**Hoped that cleared it up!**


	3. Broken

_A/N: Sooo this is going to be a really lame piece, but the song really touched me. So I hope you enjoy._

_Song: Broken_  
_Artist: Evanescence _  
_Pairing: Edmund/Peter_  
_Summery: (Prequel to "Not As Strong") Edmund/Peter moments in Narnia and how everything falls apart when they stumble back into England. _

* * *

_I wanted you to know  
I love the way you laugh_

A gentle arch of the back, head thrown back, blonde hair falling in front of piercing blue eyes (hidden behind closed eyelids), full lips parted, a heavenly musical sound emerging from the tanned throat.

Edmund reached forward, fingers gently touching the soft lips of his older brother. Peter's laugh halted, his eyelids opening and revealing the ocean-blue eyes.

"Ed?"

Edmund was breathless, his eyes on Peter's face, the sound of his laugh echoing in his ears. "I love your laugh."

Peter arched. "Thank you?"

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

Golden fingers clutched at the white blankets, twisting them in his grip, golden chest rising and falling with each breath, bright eyes staring at the ceiling with intense fear. Pale hands, blending with the white of the sheets, gently undid the tight grip, lacing them with his own instead. Gold and tan, clashing awkwardly together, but so beautiful.

"Ed?" Peter whispered, breath still ragged from his nightmares.

"I don't want you to hurt." He breathed against the tanned neck, fingers running over the elder's ribcage, gently soothing him, a hand curved around to cradle the back of his head, holding him.

Peter just breathed quietly, his mouth against his brother's shoulder blade.

_I keep your photograph;  
I know it serves me well_

Eyes closed, hands folded in his lap, back slouched forward, legs spread, elbows resting on thighs, head bowed, he sat before a painting, a beautiful painting. His breathing came out even and slow, his body never breaking its calm.

"Ed?" A beautiful voice broke through his thoughts and he turned his head to look to his side.

Peter stood a few feet from him, his eyes scanning the portrait of himself, before fixating on his brother once again. "What are you doing?"

Edmund looked towards the portrait, his haunted eyes memorizing the details. "Thinking."

"And studying my portrait helps you think how?" Peter chuckled, taking a seat next to his darkened version.

Edmund turned his eyes from the portrait to the man himself, eyes intense and serious. "It reminds me."

"Reminds you of what?"

"Of whom I serve."

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

His fingers clutched to the railing, fingernails digging into and breaking against the stone rail. His eyes were turned north, tears spilling from the brilliant blue of his eyes. His body trembled from the cold, yet his arms stayed at his side, his naked chest exposed to the night air.

A sudden warmth was pressed to his back, arms encircling his waist, a hot mouth pressing to his bare shoulder. "Don't cry, it doesn't suit you."

"Ed?" He twisted in the arms to face the younger. "W-What are you doing?"

Dark auburn-colored eyes connected with deep blue, and the older was rendered speechless, looking away in shame. A pale hand touched his cheek, fingernails tracing the cheekbones. "I don't want you to hurt."

_Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

"I'm sorry, Ed." His voice cracked, uncertainty evident in his gentle voice. "I have to."

The younger didn't respond, his back slouched forward, eyes squeezed shut. Peter took a seat next to him, an arm around his brother's toned shoulders. "Please, you must understand."

Edmund looked at him, eyes moist with unshed tears. "I don't."

Peter opened his mouth to talk, but Edmund silenced him.

"I don't_ want_ to understand," he whispered, cutting off any afterthought with a kiss.

He pulled away, lips sliding off his older brother's, eyes opening to reveal the world around him. Peter stared at him in open shock, his mouth falling in open and he touched his kissed lips.

"W-Why'd you do that?"

He didn't answer the question, but instead looked up at the older, eyes pleading him. "Come back safely."

_You've gone away  
You don't feel me here, anymore_

He watched his brother ride into battle, arms wrapped tightly around himself, shivering not from cold but from worry. He turned to look at his youngest sister and she folded her arms around his waist, hugging him to her smaller self.

"He'll come back safe, Edmund."

He inhaled deeply. "How can you be so sure?"

"He has _you_ to come back to."

Edmund looked towards the horizon and the fading riders, his brother's brilliant hair shining in the sun, visible even from a distance. "If he still wants me."

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again_

He saw him from a distance, a black speck against a sea of color. Pale arms wrapped gently around his tall, lean form, eyes dull and broken. He dismounted from his horse, flicking the fringe from his eyes, and broke through the thong of people.

"Edmund." He whispered, arms immediately wrapping around the younger one's waist. "I have returned."

Edmund breathed shakily against him and Peter breathed with him, relief flooding through his body.

_I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away_

That night, Peter cradled the younger one against his chest, tears escaping through fluttering eyelashes, mouth brushing against the dark hair as he retold the story of the battle. Edmund reached a shaky hand up to his neck, gently tugging him down and pressing their lips together.

Peter felt the pain of death and injury wash away as he lowered his brother onto his back.

_There's so much left to learn, _

Dark, wavy hair lay messily against the pale cheekbones, haunted brown eyes staring forward at the sunrise, pale lips pressed tightly together, shoulders squared.

Mysterious.

"I feel like I don't really know you." He whispered suddenly, fingers tugging at the younger one's hip.

Edmund shifted in his lap and laid his head back against the other's shoulder, breathing deeply. "Hmm?"

"I want to know everything about you." He breathed against the shell of his ear, mouth opening around it. "_Everything._"

_and no one left to fight_

(2 years later)

"You stay here, I'll catch it myself." Edmund chuckled, grabbing his sword and bow. "No need to overexert yourselves."

"Funny." Peter kissed the back of his neck, reaching over him to grab his sword. "I'm coming with you."

"Well, we might as well go too." Susan giggled, retrieving her bow and arrows. Lucy did the same.

"Awww, Su…can't I have sometime alone with my husband?" Peter smiled cheerfully, a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Nope." They laughed and saddled their horses, riding after the white stag, stumbling into the forest.

Later, they stumbled into the wardrobe, hands flying out to catch themselves. Edmund laid beside Peter, their heads resting together as they breathed in the smell of moth balls and dust. Peter yanked his head up, eyes searching widely around the room, before resting on the unmoving form of his husband.

"Ed?"

Edmund did not raise his head and instead, laid on the ground, unmoving and denying. Peter jumped to his feet, anger flying through his body and he itched to fight the one that had sent them back, but his hands grasped air and he found no one to fight.

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

Though Edmund wanted to pull Peter over to his bed that night, he could not, for it was forbidden here. Peter laid in bed and cried, shorter, bony limbs thrashed out, hands reaching for the golden crown on top his head, but only finding too short hair.

Edmund sat up on his elbow and whispered across the room. "I don't want you to hurt."

Peter settled against the pillows, his arm flailing out to the side and grasping white sheets. His finger twisted, his body curving as if there was a person lying beside him. He cried out once, his arms encircling the air where Edmund's waist would have been. "Edmund…"

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough_

They couldn't love each other here, they had both agreed on that. Mother didn't suspect anything had changed between them and even their sisters had begun to wonder if they had completely forgotten the love of the other.

Yet at night, Edmund's fingers clasped together at his side, no fingers to weave between them, and his legs entwined with air, sheets pooling around his waist. Peter's arms still laid out before him, searching for a pale waist and dark hair, and sometimes when he awoke breathless and aroused, Edmund would stare at him, but neither would talk of it.

Yet in the day, both were weak. Peter's fist connected with another boy's jaw and Edmund's fingers slipped uncertainly on the neck of the bottle, alcohol clogging his senses.

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

Edmund watched his brother from a distance, his lips parting to let out a trail of smoke, fingers tightening around the object in his hand. He closed his eyes and saw blonde hair tossed widely in front of pleasure-filled eyes, a gold, war-hardened body rocking against his own, but when he opened them, he saw short-dirty blonde hair, dull eyes and a thin body clothed in a scratchy uniform.

"Hey, you coming, mate?" Jake called.

Edmund watched as Peter turned the page of the book he was reading and nodded, pushing off the stone wall and crushing the cigarette with his boot. He shoved his hands into his pockets and followed his friends off the campus.

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

Peter paused in his reading, glancing up towards the stone wall where his brother had sat watching him. His eyes followed the path towards the group of boys, slowing disappearing from his line of vision. In the back, a boy, dressed in black, walked with his shoulders slumped and hands shoved in his pockets. Tucked under his arm was a brown bottle, the liquid sloshing around inside.

He sighed and watched as one of the other boys threw his arm around the darker one's shoulders, laughing against his body. Edmund, the darker one, turned and stared at his friend with an expression so old and wise that his friend backed away.

For a second and just that second only, Peter saw a man in his mid-twenties, tall and muscled, wise and just, haunted and redeemed, but the image faltered as Edmund unscrewed the cap of the drink, taking a swig. Instead, there was a boy, thin and toned, foolish and dumb, haunted and tainted.

_You've gone away  
You don't feel me here, anymore_

Later, Peter shoved his hands into his pockets and watched the moon above the sky. His thoughts on a man that had once been his husband, a man that had once loved and remembered him and his heart splintered and cracked, much like the cigarette beneath Edmund's shoe. _Goodbye, my love_

Edmund's fingers dipped clumsily into the liquid in the bottom of the bottle and licked it off. One more sip and he set it back on the table. He attempted to dip his finger in the bottle again, but his finger hung above the liquid, too fat to squeeze through the narrow opening and touch the too-low liquid. He looked at it brokenly, pulling his finger out and staring at it. The liquid was too low for the finger to reach so he had given up. He couldn't help but think of Peter and him, and how he had stooped so low that Peter no longer reached for him and had given up instead.

He let out a terrific scream and threw the bottle at the brick wall, his back slumping against the alley wall as his friends raised their eyebrow at him.

He stared at the broken pieces of the glass (and of his heart) and cried.

* * *

I'm almost afraid to ask how bad it was 0_o


End file.
